It is possible that Donald Trump is just your run-of-the-mill megalomaniac rich guy. But it is also possible that he is Lord Voldemort, aka He Who Must Not Be Named, aka the Dark Lord, aka Tom Marvolo Riddle, the ultimate bad guy. We likely will not know for certain unless or until Trump casts the Cruciatus curse on the press corp at one of his rallies. But as I always say: if you must wait, speculate!
Let’s examine the evidence.
Evidence That Trump is Voldemort
Core Message Reeks of Hypocrisy
Lord Voldemort sought to consolidate power in the wizarding world by keeping Muggles out. He promoted “pure-blood” wizards, railed against Muggle-born and half-Muggle wizards, and executed a campaign of savage violence against all Muggles.
Yet Voldemort was actually half-Muggle. His mother was a member of the pure-blood (and therefore creepily inbred) Gaunt family, but his father was the wealthy Muggle townie Tom Riddle. Voldemort was the result of the very thing he claimed to most despise — harmony between the wizarding and Muggle communities. Granted, the Gaunt-Riddle relationship was encouraged by a wicked little love potion cooked up by one Merope Gaunt, but let’s not let that get in the way of the fact that Merope thought the Muggle Riddle was one fine piece.
Donald Trump’s presidential campaign similarly rest’s on a Voldemort-esque “America First” platform, where America is defined as that one tiny sliver of it that is comprised of white, Christian people living in small towns recently blighted by the outsourcing of local factory jobs. Trump has promised to keep both Mexicans and Muslims out of the country, just as the Dark Lord swore to keep Muggle-borns out of Hogwarts.
We have yet to discover that Trump is secretly a devoted Muslim with Mexican heritage, though given the nature of his campaign, we would only be mildly surprised to learn this is the case. However, Trump’s anti-immigrant screed is still loaded with hypocrisy. Trump’s wife is an immigrant, and may have skirted the letter of the law while working in the U.S. prior to attaining citizenship. Trump’s real estate projects have not only employed plenty of Mexican immigrants, but many of them were and are illegal immigrants. Trump’s professional success and personal happiness are based on an open border policy, yet he claims to want nothing more than to wall off the U.S. from the rest of the world. Suspect!
Like Voldemort, Trump’s opposition to outsiders seems to have more to do with consolidating his own power than a genuine policy position. Voldemort capitalized on the self-congratulatory racism of pure-blood wizarding families like the Malfoys and Blacks, while Trump capitalizes on the self-aggrandizing racism of certain white dudes who believe the only thing keeping them from personal success and happiness is the d’urn imm’grants. Whether Trump/Voldemort actually believes the racist shit he is saying is irrelevant — the goal is not ideological integrity, but gaining the trust of the angry horde in order to take over the Ministry/White House.
Strange Commitment to an Objectively Weird Look
Most villains are vain. They have to be, as they have so much excess insecurity that it must manifest itself any way it can. Villains often channel their vanity into “signature looks” — nefarious mustaches and copious amounts of pomade are popular, as are monochromatic wardrobes and snakeskin boots.
Most of the time, though, you get why the villain thinks he looks good even if he looks ridiculous. They usually take something that is okay in small doses and then go over board, like Cruella with animal prints or Kylo Ren with hoodies.
But Trump and Voldemort both make bizarre aesthetic choices and then go full tilt. Voldemort liked snakes, so he got rid of his nose and made his eyes glow red. Trump believes a full head of hair is a sign of virility, so he… listen, we still don’t know what’s going on up there, and probably never will. But it doesn’t look good, and yet Trump is weirdly proud of it.
If this just seems like evidence that Trump is like Voldemort and not Voldemort himself, ask yourself: does Trump’s hair look like the work of a powerful dark wizard? Does it? Be honest.
Mean Girl Treatment of Most Loyal Followers
Regina George has nothing on Voldemort/Trump.
When you are a terrible person who does terrible things, you become paranoid that other people might not like you (don’t ask me how I know this). Rather than get some therapy and learn to be less terrible, people like Voldemort and Trump simply demand absolute loyalty from their friends and followers.
Loyalty is an abstract concept. Someone can say they are being loyal, when really they are feeding Albus Dumbledore important information about your plans to murder children (rude!). In order to make sure his “friends” were actually loyal, Voldemort was always testing them. He tested no one so much as the Malfoy family, which is weird because the Malfoys were pretty damn loyal. But Voldemort was constantly testing them anyway, assigning young Draco Malfoy the job of killing Dumbledore (literally the most powerful wizard of all time), taking Lucius Malfoy’s wand, and using Malfoy Manor as an evil lair/prison/torture facility. These tests were always imposed as “honors” the way a mean girl honors her friends by making them wear ugly bridesmaids dresses to her wedding. But they were loyalty tests, just to see how far Voldemort could push people and still make them grovel at his feet.
Trump hasn’t stolen anyone’s wand (that we know of), but he does play an amusing game of musical chairs with his campaign staff. Some sycophant is always without a chair, even though the campaign assures the public that he will stay on “as an advisor.” Lewandowski and Manafort are outsiders looking in, and yet still they grovel. Very loyal. Tremendous.
And of course, Trump tests his PR team every day just to make sure they are still paying attention. Trump hates it when people stop paying attention. Much like Voldemort hated it when many of his supporters believed he’d been killed by Harry Potter and abandoned the cause. It’s almost as though… Trump is the persona Voldemort dreamed up to make sure no one can ever look away again.
Evidence That Trump is Not Voldemort
Donald Trump is not an anagram for I Am Lord Voldemort, the way Tom Malvolo Riddle is. However, it is an anagram for Rump and Dolt and Dum Portland. The Dark Lord is very committed to a certain kind of symmetry, and Rump and Dolt is not that kind of symmetry. Which leads us to the most damning evidence against this theory:
Maybe I’m being tricked by the British accent, but Voldemort seemed a lot more articulate than Trump. He certainly relied less heavily on the words tremendous and beautiful. Let’s do a side by side comparison. Here is a quote typical of Voldemort’s use of language:
“I see the truth looking at me from within his worthless mind… Months of preparation, months of effort… and my Death Eaters have let Harry Potter thwart me again…”
(J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, 2003)
And here is a typical Trump quote:
Voldemort liked his nicknames, but I don’t think he would have embraced “Mr. Brexit.” Too colloquial.
So maybe Trump isn’t Voldemort. Or maybe he’s just a shadow of Voldemort, the embarrassing American horcrux he never intended to make. Maybe Trump is just a big Voldemort fan.
Only time will tell, but in the words of Mad-Eye Moody, constant vigilance! If you see Trump or one of his minions harassing a muggle, alert the Order.